Metamorphosism

"Look! It's snowing", said Fritz in Berlin
(He's a rather fat guy with bad skin)
It's his head which he shakes
That produces the flakes
And the winter has yet to begin.

it's uncivil, it's rude, it is bold,
for a microbe to mate when it's cold;
but the ones Lister found
will fuck even ice-bound—
so be cautious where soft-serve is sold.

hi sorry for not posting a limerick, but this is still a limerickrelated question: does the limerick have to be in english? and can i do something frenchrelated websity thing?

dude! having fun in france?
the limerick should be in english, so i can judge it properly. german would be okay, any other language i'd have to take the word of entrants that it's an actual limerick.
of course you can do a websitey thing. what did you have in mind? mail me.

Sir Fleming, mold-medicine's beginner
A proven microbial winner
Defeats strep and staph
E. Coli? He laughs!
For viruses? Defer to Jenner.

My itching, burning athelete's feet
Rubbed raw and red with intense heat
The smarter amoung us
Report "it's a fungus!"
I'm convinced it's a Yaw's spirochete.

(I was dying to use "spirochete" in a poem!)

Stay out of the pond—the dangers are great!
Flesh-eating bacteria, a fearsome new trait.
Now reminiscing fishes
Cast lowly lake wishes
For plankton, amoeba and zooflagelate.

A spotty streetsweeper from Hackney
Had terrible problems with acne
"an alternative career,
is what I need here"
So he went to work in a custard factory.

A diver by the name of McEnis
Found something odd on the end of his penis
He said, "I'm not really sure,
and I've been wrong before,
but it looks like Cyclosalpa affinis."

The Polish woman Marie Curie
Discovered radioactivity
But every noxious fart
would glow green in the dark
and was enriched with Plutonium 240.

i was going to make one up featuring "carbuncular monstrosity", but i am waylaid by the idea of beta having a blog! how cool would that be! make it so she can only post in english, okay?

i find the idea attractive and scary at the same time, because once the supporting cast starts blogging, it becomes obvious how much of this stuff i'm inventing, distorting and twisting.

Assuming that Beta is not inventive enough to invent, distort and twist by her own lights? I'd be surprised. Blood of your blood, flesh of, etc.
now on to another limerick:

You may think that my birthmark is grievous,
but appearances often deceive us.
So I try to console,
and avoid saying 'mole',
substituting the lofty term: 'nevus.'

another valentine's day on my own
no romantic text received on my phone
will it get any better
or am i THE social leper?
but like Carrie Bradshaw I'll just type this and moan

Sigmund Freud sat in his chair
While cigar-smoked curled in his hair
He looked really pleased
With his pants to his knees
As he said, "your solution is HERE!"

Eienstein said with a smile
As he doodled on paper with style
"E is the equal of my MC squared
And if I saw you with your ass freshly bared
We could fuck like wild dogs for a while."

A Surgeon General named Koop
Liked posing out on the front stoop
He dressed like a clown
With a great bearded frown
While his penis continued to droop.

Limericks aren't tough to write
They're simple to get fairly right
They can be contagious
If you get outrageous
If you think you can do it, you might.

you're the pierre to my marie curie,
you're itself to my amoeba - asexually,
and although it sounds brash,
you're growing on me like a rash,
so happy valentine's day, baby!

Hippocrates noticed a growth
On his phallus and testicles both
On discovering warts
The record reports
The very first Hippocratic oath.

Ms. Curie had a miniature duck*
Though it failed to bring medical luck
To minimise mass
From her waist and her ass
She went for a nip and a tuck.

* I have absolutely no idea why

There’s a boil on the end of my todger
Which occasioned the mirth of my lodger.
It’s distended with pus
And the upshot is thus -
I’m completely unable to roger.

Scabies is not so much fun
When your body weight’s close to a ton;
If your ass starts to itch
Reaching round is a bitch
and the scratching is never quite done.

My sister’s dermatofibroma
Is peculiarly prone to misnomer
But it’s not a carbuncle
As thought by our uncle,
Nor is it a new carcinoma.

Seamus Kelly was very upset
At the trophy he won in a bet;
It’s a rare impetigo
Endemic in Sligo
And now his chin’s constantly wet.

Yeast infections can be quite debasing,
Depending on what you are facing.
If you’re out on a date
It’s best not to tempt fate
So just keep it to simple embracing

I have finally reached a decision.
Sick and tired of the scorn and derision
From the genital warts
That poke out of my shorts,
I am going to go for excision

Salk thought it might be quite keen
To stop polio, which he’d seen.
With flasks and in vials
Through many odd trials
He discovered a brand new vaccine!

For those who like trivia- this year marks the 50th anniversary of the announcement that the Salk vaccine worked (April 12, 1955).

My tinea cruris is hideous--
Not a sight for the over-fastidious.
My wife finds the encrusting
To be truly disgusting
And the odor is sickly insidious …

The Trombiculadae, known as ‘chiggers,’
Were once thought to be diligent diggers.
The saliva in the bite
of the juvenile mite
is despised for the itch that it triggers.

When he died, circa 269
(Nudge, nudge), martyred Saint Valentine
Didn't know on his feast
Every last mangy beast
Would consider it time to entwine

Doctor Fleming, the lucky young Scot,
Got a mold in his wee culture pot.
Penicillium notatum
Kicked the staph's skinny bottom
And it's good for whatever you've got.

Doctor Barnard exchanged the first hearts
Made of genuine cardiac parts
When a girl named Denise
Gave her heart, post-decease,
To one Lou, till the flu worked its arts.

A condition called Valentine’s Rash
Is common in couples who pash
The spots get much worse
Through contact with verse
And the annual dispersal of cash.

I called our love “lousy” with ease
Then found my dear lover displeased!
T’was just mocking Donne
My darling sweet one
To archaically say “you have fleas.”

A bug in Miami bananas
Was heard by the chief of Havana's
Ministry of Recording
What We're Not Affording,
But it only picked up old Santanas.

(This one has one of the three requirements only if you do British crosswords.)

Doctor Koch said, "The food is inferia
At the 7-Eleven cafeteria
But I find that my herpes
Is soothed by their Slurpees
And I'm fond of their fresh Escherichia."

There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold
and she's buying a stairway to heaven
when she gets there she knows if the stars are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for, ooh, ooh, oooooh, ooooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

Apologies to Led Zep for stealing their classic limmerick

guys, guys, don't you know what the word anapestic means? don't get carried away by penisses and marie curies and valentines!

you tell 'em kid.

My darling, we make a great match,
You itch and I love to scratch.
I'm so lucky to find
A girl of like mind
With a permanent dry scaly patch.

Be my burning lover,
Just like a candle as it flickers,
I know i'll set your wick alight,
When i get inside your knickers!

NICE GIVE ELVIS BACK HIS BRAIN TAKE ME HOME

For Azlyn:

If it were the key to your heart,
I'd produce the world's biggest fart.
It sure would smell!
How charming a spell!
To love me would just be so smart!