Woman, Roughly My Age: SO WHAT DID THE JOB COACH SAY?
Woman, Younger: WHAT IS THE RIGHT JOB FOR YOU?
Me: Eh, it was just the first session, guys. She had to find out what I was there for, exactly, and what I...
W,RMA: WHAT KIND OF JOB COACH IS THAT?
W,Y: SHE CALLS HERSELF A JOB COACH? FOR €70 A SESSION? I COULD CHARGE PEOPLE THAT AND SAY, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD.
Me: Hang on. How's she supposed to know what I want if I don't?
Both Women: SHE'S A JOB COACH!!!1!
Me: [sigh] Something with writing, she said.
W,RMA: THE LAST TIME YOU STAYED HOME TO WRITE I WORKED 60-HOUR WEEKS AND YOU NEVER PUBLISHED ANYTHING.
W,Y: WHAT SHE SAID:
Me: No one said anything about staying home. We're still at the beginning of the process.
W,RMA: HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE TO GO?
W,Y: SHE CALLS HERSELF A JOB COACH?
Me: I don't know, a few times. I'm supposed to keep track of my dreams etc. Except I can't remember any lately. Just, like the usual nightmares about killing people who are impossible to kill because they are so stubborn, and I am killing them inefficiently, with my hands and found objects.
W,RMA: JOB COACH.
W,Y: JOB COACH.
names, but not sexes or ages, have been changed in one of those lame-assed attempts at "any resemblance to members of the alphabet is entirely coincidental and therefore should not be held against the author in any way i am sorry mom geez but at least i am published so get off me"... right?
Posted by: anne at September 22, 2005 02:23 PMpure fiction.
Posted by: mig at September 22, 2005 02:29 PMCello book! Cello book!
Sorry about the outburst.
Posted by: R J Keefe at September 22, 2005 03:04 PMGood idea.
Posted by: mig at September 23, 2005 04:44 AMjello book. you could write about killing people with jello. it wouldn't be so much a projectile death, but maybe jello death by smothering, jello death by overconsumption, et cetera. you'll work something out.
Posted by: chewybrain at September 23, 2005 11:38 AMjello fetish book.
actually, i'm working on a mellow book.
I dreamed i was a baseball player.
If I have to become a baseball player, I suppose I should buy some cleats or something?
Or is the dream supposed to be symbolic? Like perhaps I should become a biologist who studies bats?
Good luck.
Posted by: paul at September 23, 2005 08:23 PMactually, i had strawberry jelly for the first time since my childhood last night and it was pretty good.
maybe the point of the job coach is to make you realise you have two women at home who would trash the idea of having a job coach, which brings you to the computer with the idea of writing a book about a man who owned a cello and had no idea how to make the time to write 100,000 words to form a book and ended up eating jello.
Posted by: j-a at September 24, 2005 05:06 AMLack of knowledge has never stopped anyone from writing a book, has it. I wrote down ideas for such a book this morning and filled a page in no time. It quickly became obvious I'd have to learn a lot, but it would be enjoyable.
Right now, I'm thinking I'd eat jello (lime) while interviewing modern cellists and luthiers, preferably while they're tied up.
But I'd have to learn some good knots.
What would you want to find in a cello book?