Metamorphosism

I find myself puzzled by your phrase "...in what I consider as not only a bad way." Do you mean "not entirely a bad way," or "not necesarily
a bad way," or something different? And is this something people say in Seattle? Or English speaking people in Vienna? (I have never heard the phrase "not only" used this way before).

Me talk pretty some day.
A big fear I have is that my English is eroding after, what, more than 25 years out of the country. What I was trying to express was that I think we are disorganized in a way that is both more than bad enough but also good in some ways. So, in other words, disorganized in a way that is thoroughly bad, but not only bad, having as it does some redeeming aspects as well. In other words, not only bad.
I also always worry about my prepositions. "consider AS not only bad?" or "consider TO BE not only bad?" or something else?

That is, disorganized in a rich way. Richly disorganized. Disorganization with all the costs, but also some benefits.

Thank you. I understand real good right now what you say. But I think I would have expressed this idea as "Not entirely bad."

I stumbled on that point too, however I am reminded that I constantly use direct translations of French turns of phrases that make perfect sense to me and nobody else then patiently explain them to people who query them as if *they* were the idiot.

Do you mean you have your own way of organizing things- which may look disorganized from outside but is not as disorganized as people may think?
And I have to ask: why is idle/lazy associated with disorganized at all?
I am asking because I find simple pleasures in not doing things....:)

I believe that disorganization is not only a bad thing, and that some good can come of it; I thinks that chaos can, sometimes, be fertile ground for creativity. I believe that too much efficiency - especially on a societal scale - is a bad thing. I used to assume efficiency on a personal scale was bad as well, but I am coming to realize that if one is somewhat efficient, then one has more time for leisure activities or leisure inactivities.
In my own case, I imagine that someone who does not know me well might assume that I am rather organized, whereas my true level of disorganization has reached dangerous levels. I would like to do something about that, and am taking small steps in that direction, but wonder whether they are sufficient.

Reading what you wrote makes my head hurt, mig, because it reminds me of all the things I was supposed have done months ago but haven't gotten around to yet. And there's no good excuse. I can function quite well with a certain degree of disorganization, but I'm much happier when I'm organized. And too much disorganization makes me feel anxious, stressed out, and overwhelmed.

But as for idleness; I'm not sure if this is directly related to disorganization. I am a person who needs a lot of "down time," that is, time to do whatever I wish without any demands on me. That might mean lying on the couch all day. Some might call this idleness; but I think there's a difference. I need the same amount of down time whether I'm organized or not; I suppose the difference is that that I enjoy my down time more if I'm not feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff I haven't done yet!

There is a word in German that comes close to what I am thinking when I use the word "idle" etc. and that is "Muße" or "Musse" if your computer doesn't have the "ß" and it is sometimes explained as meaning the time you have at your disposal to do anything you want, including nothing at all. It lacks the negative connotations of "idle" (I think), and is one of the things that makes life worth living. Without time at one's disposal, what's the point? Of course, there are other points, but Muße sure is enjoyable, or can be. Pressing tasks and various problems resulting from disorganization can sure make it less enjoyable, as I am finding. I would like to become more efficient and organized for that reason - in order to better enjoy doing nothing, or doing what I want - but it is hard to separate that from being more efficient in order to be more productive, a concept towards which I am less inclined.

I like the word "Musse" already. Also "stimmen." I'm not fluent in German, but to the extent that I understand the language, it makes more sense to me than English, and always has.

i like to think of idling as a resetting of the compass. my particular needle does seem to be easily spun these days, so... yeah, less spinning is okay by me.

and gin helps too.

I understand what you mean about being afraid you're going to lose your English... I did a semester in a university in Mexico and came home wondering where in Cuernavaca I lost all my English words.

Then again, I have days when I get off work (where I speak Spanish almost exclusively), go over to my mother's house to pick up my son, and say, "Vámonos. Tengo clases esta noche. Ponte las botas." And my little six-year-old does exactly the same thing he did when he was three (beginning as early as our layover in San Francisco on the way home from Mexico) - he puts his hands on his hips, gives me the death glare and goes, "Mom! We're in America now! Speak English!"